Walking out of your widowhood requires making a choice to grab life or to give up on life.You ask what does that really mean.Well grief has a way of sinking us into depths of pain,despair and darkness if you are not careful.

To avoid this you get to a stage or time of grief where you have to consciously have to fight to regain your life back – a new life as we know it won’t be the same without your spouse but it will be a stronger life.

With this desire to step out – though initially in little steps you are claiming your life back.You ask how do you do this.You have to have a plan of action.

You decide today to wake up perhaps earlier than since your loss,have some me time before the kids,shower,go for a walk,have breakfast perhaps something different and later read a book or search for one that will occupy your thoughts for half a hour or more,preferably something you enjoy reading of personal interest.

This engages your mind for a while,the next day or time your carry out the same exercise it becomes a good habit – repeated 21 days it should be a formed your routine.

Doing this gives you some refocus and strength to take another step.The idea of doing things for yourself ,pamper self and the constant emotional drain of Grief is released when we gradually take time to do things for ourselves.

The next thing could be to arrange to have a one to one out in a cafe just for 30/40 minutes with a good friend.Coming out makes us see that life has still continued in spite of your world being temporarily stopped by loss.

The conversation you have with the friend might initially be awkward as people around us do not always know how to react or know what to expect from us when we grief, so people tread carefully.However as you gradually regain strength and confidence people become more comfortable around you.

It is always important to focus on one personal routine at a time.As you commit to one,the confidence you start building will encourage you to venture out to the next thing to do for yourself.

Grabbing back your life gradually gives your children and close relationships hope for you and the future.You start to notice that little steps become bigger strides.Keeping and recording your strides in written form allows you to compare and measure your successes.

I recall working everyday while l was off work for a hour.Immediately after the school run and breakfast l disciplined myself to get out of the house before l got distracted by endless chores etc

Going out daily gave me a clearer perspective of my self and circumstances,to think much clearly,to make wise decisions and choices.

I come back home refreshed,energised,calmer ,with much hope to coup for the day.I kept a note book of how l felt daily and how grateful l was after each milestone achieved.

Grab a piece of your life back each day please!

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.

Signing off now – there is Hope after loss.


Published by yemi278

I loss my husband over 8 years ago. I am a mother of two daughters. I have worked for over 20 years in Mental Health - empowering and giving holistic support to adults with long term Mental health challenges. I have seen through my work human beings have the ability and inner strength to survive any form of loss with the right support from family, friends and community.

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